Or you might see them rolling their eyes, or simply showing you with their body language, that they are not happy about the situation, even though verbally they say the opposite.<\/p>\n
Passive aggressive communicators might appear they want to collaborate but secretly sabotage.<\/p>\n
The issue with this type of communication style is that nobody will trust a passive-aggressive communicator.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If you cannot acknowledge your anger, a sense of powerlessness will build up as well as mounted stress.<\/p>\n
Assertiveness vs. \u00a0Aggressive communication<\/h2>\n
An aggressive communicator is someone who loses his\/her temper with others.\u00a0 They think that their opinion is the best and they raise their voice in order to lower others, as well as use expansive body language to intimidate others.<\/p>\n
They try to control others to make them do what they want.<\/p>\n
I probably do not even need to tell you what is the problem with this communication style.\u00a0\u00a0 Who wants to be around an aggressive communicator in the workplace?\u00a0 This will leave this person isolated and there will be resentment in their surroundings<\/p>\n
Assertiveness scale<\/h2>\n
![\"How](\"https:\/\/creciendo.be\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/02_the-assertivenes-scale-300x132.png\")
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Where do you think you fall on the assertiveness scale? If 0 is not assertive at all, and 10 is very assertive?<\/p>\n
Now let me ask you.\u00a0 Do you give yourself the same score in work, family, or friends situations?<\/p>\n
One thing that comes back every time I have a coaching session with a client is the fact that they feel more assertive in certain settings than in others.\u00a0 They tell me that they feel really confident standing up for their opinions and beliefs with their siblings, but they are terrified to do the same with colleagues.<\/p>\n
This happens more often than not because we have some limiting beliefs that apply in specific social settings.\u00a0 If we grew up in a household where one of the parents was very dominant, it will be more difficult to be assertive, compared to doing it at work with a boss that is open and understanding.<\/p>\n
Becoming assertive is a process, it does not happen from one day to another.<\/p>\n
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How to be more assertive<\/h2>\n
As mentioned above, becoming assertive is a process, it requires practice and in some cases preparation to know how to react in different situations.\u00a0 But there are some things you can implement immediately that will make a big difference in the way others perceive you.<\/p>\n
1. Body language<\/h3>\n
The first step to being more assertive in your communication is to start with your body language.\u00a0\u00a0 A closed and hunched posture will not help you feel confident to defend your points.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Elongate your posture, open up your arms and look the other person in the eye when you are talking.<\/p>\n
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2. The I message<\/h3>\n
One of the biggest mistakes when communicating is to use a lot of \u201cyou\u2019s\u201d .<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u201d always do that<\/p>\n
\u201cyou\u201d never help<\/p>\n
When the other person hears this, he\/she automatically go into defense mode, because they feel attacked.<\/p>\n
The power of I, means that we express our opinions and needs from our perspective, and in this way prevent a big confrontation.\u00a0 How do you do it?\u00a0 Start your sentences with \u201cI think\u201d, I feel, in my opinion.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u201d statements allow you to be confident and assertive without alienating others.<\/p>\n
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3. Be clear and to the point<\/h3>\n
Many times we want to protect other people\u2019s feelings and sugarcoat our requests.\u00a0\u00a0 Unfortunately, this is not an efficient way of communicating because it is difficult for the other person to discern what is the message you want to send.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This is why is so important to be clear in our communication, for the other person to know exactly what you need.<\/p>\n
For example:<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t:<\/span><\/strong> Sorry to bother you, I know you are busy, but would it be possible to send me that report at your earliest convenience tomorrow, so I can compile all the information and send it to the client?<\/p>\n DO:<\/span><\/strong> I need to send the compiled information tomorrow.\u00a0 Can you send me your report by 11 am, please?<\/p>\n <\/p>\n This is one of the most difficult things when we are having a difficult conversation.\u00a0 It is normal to feel angry, frustrated, or even like you need to cry.\u00a0 If you are overcome with emotions, wait to have the conversation until you have calmed down and feel like you can keep your composure.\u00a0 Breathe in a normal way and pace yourself when you speak.<\/p>\n Setting boundaries for ourselves is one of the most important things we can do if we want to be more assertive.\u00a0\u00a0 And learning to say NO<\/a><\/strong> is a great starting point.\u00a0\u00a0 Take the time to reflect and analyze for yourself the things you don\u2019t want to do anymore and the things you want to say NO to.<\/p>\n Remember when I asked you to score yourself on the accountability scale?\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t matter where you placed yourself, what matters is to understand that there will not be 180\u00b0 shifts from one day to another.\u00a0 We cannot expect to go from a 4 to a 10 from one day to another.\u00a0\u00a0 If you have scored a 4, aim to improve to a 5.\u00a0 Make small changes, practice, and see what can you improve.\u00a0\u00a0 Once you feel confident you are a 5, aim one step higher and go for a 6.\u00a0 Becoming more assertive is a journey, and it takes practice.\u00a0\u00a0 Embrace the journey and you will see how your communication becomes more efficient.<\/p>\n Did you enjoy reading this post?\u00a0 There is more interesting content on the\u00a0blog<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n4. Keep your emotions in check<\/h3>\n
5. Learn to say no<\/h3>\n
6. Take small steps<\/h3>\n