We’ve all been there: agreeing to take on one more task, attend one more meeting, or help someone else, all while quietly neglecting our own needs. But without clear boundaries, we risk burnout, resentment, and a communication style that doesn’t truly reflect our values.

Learning to set healthy boundaries is a vital skill—not just for your own well-being but for the respect and clarity it brings to your relationships. Here’s how you can communicate effectively and assertively while protecting your time and energy.

Why Boundaries Are Essential

Healthy boundaries in communication are about respect—for yourself and others. When you fail to set them:

  • You overcommit, leaving little time for your priorities.
  • You build resentment toward others, even when they don’t realize they’re crossing a line.
  • Your communication style may become passive or even passive-aggressive.

In coaching sessions, I often see clients struggle with this balance. They fear that setting boundaries will disappoint others or damage relationships, but the opposite is often true: clear boundaries foster respect and understanding.

How to Set Boundaries Assertively

1. Learn to Say No Without Guilt

Saying no isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. One powerful tool is the Positive NO formula from William Ury’s book The Power of a Positive No.

Here’s how it works:
1️⃣ Start with a Yes: Validate the other person’s request without judgment.
2️⃣ Follow with a No: Politely but firmly decline the request. Avoid vague responses like “maybe.”
3️⃣ End with another Yes: Offer an alternative or wish them well.

Example:
Your colleague asks you to take on an extra project that will eat into your weekend.
✔ “I understand this project is important, and I appreciate you considering me.”
✖ “Unfortunately, I have other commitments that I can’t shift, so I won’t be able to take this on.”
✔ “I suggest we speak with [another colleague] who may have more bandwidth.”

2. Use “I” Statements

Avoid accusatory language like “you never help” or “you always expect too much.” Instead, focus on expressing your own feelings and needs:

  • “I feel overwhelmed when I’m assigned extra tasks without notice.”
  • “I need more time to complete this project effectively.”

“I” statements allow you to assert your boundaries without alienating the other person.

3. Be Clear and Direct

When setting boundaries, don’t leave room for misinterpretation.

  • Instead of: “I’ll try to get to it later.”
  • Say: “I’ll prioritize this after I finish my current project, which will take another three days.”

Being clear ensures that others understand your boundaries and helps prevent follow-up pressure.

4. Watch Your Body Language

Your words matter, but so does your posture. Open body language—maintaining eye contact and standing tall—signals confidence and helps reinforce your boundaries.

5. Start Small and Build Confidence

Setting boundaries is a skill that takes practice. Start with smaller situations, like declining a social invitation or asking for a deadline extension, and build your confidence over time.

Remember, progress happens one step at a time. Aim for small wins, like moving from a “4” to a “5” on your assertiveness scale.

The Transformation: A Coaching Client’s Story

A coaching client of mine recently struggled with maintaining her boundaries at work. She was often pulled into unnecessary meetings, asked to take on tasks outside her role, and found herself saying yes to everything, leaving little time for her key responsibilities.

Here’s how we applied the five techniques to help her regain control:

1️⃣ Body Language: She practiced maintaining eye contact and using an open, upright posture during conversations, which immediately helped her appear more confident.

2️⃣ Clarity: For instance, when a colleague asked her to attend a meeting that wasn’t relevant to her role, she responded with:

    • “I’d like to focus on the project my manager has assigned as urgent, which I believe takes priority. Can you send me the meeting notes instead?”

3️⃣ Saying No: When colleagues asked her to assist on tasks that weren’t hers, she politely declined using the Positive NO formula:

    • “I understand this is important, but I don’t have the capacity to take it on right now. I can look into this in two weeks if you are able to wait.”

4️⃣ “I” Statements: Instead of blaming or being defensive, she reframed her responses:

    • “I feel overwhelmed when I’m asked to take on last-minute tasks without notice. Can we plan these in advance?”

5️⃣ Starting Small: She began by setting boundaries with minor requests, like politely declining back-to-back meetings. As her confidence grew, she started asserting herself in higher-stakes situations, such as project planning discussions.

The result? She regained control of her schedule and noticed that her colleagues respected her boundaries and valued her input more.

Boundaries in communication are the cornerstone of healthy interactions. They’re not about shutting people out—they’re about creating clarity and respect. Start by identifying one area where you’d like to set a boundary and practice using the Positive NO formula.

What boundaries do you struggle with the most? Let me know in the comments—I’d love to hear your thoughts!